Monday, January 30, 2017

semester break and retreat

Posted by salwani at 1:37 AM
..... And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion (surah 3; verse 185)



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Semester break passed like a breeze in the air. I had to come back to campus 4 days early as we have retreat program. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to do all the #projekcutiSal that I have planned before the break. Well, actually I didn't do anything at all. Haha. 3weeks of unproductiveness and nothing more. I was actually preparing my mind for this upcoming semester (it will surely be a hectic one) ; catering day, MNT, biostatistic, AGD, and also for the retreat. I have had my share of resting inshaAllah and let's pray that it will be enough to last for the whole semester. 


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I made another instagram account (@yeppeunlittlethings ) to keep track on my personal activities and self-project as I think it would be more convenient and easier for me to update rather than updating them in this blog. But i will still be updating about that here during long semester break. 

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The retreat has  just ended and we have a lot of things need to be done ASAP. I'm definitely up for it. Hopefully, this retreat has cleared up some unsettled issue and let's keep moving forward. Go go! 

One thing that keeps bothering me during the retreat is the inability of me to talk in front of public. I thought that this issue has already been resolved last semester once and for all.But that was not the case. Last semester we have so many presentation. Probably like one presentation per week. It supposed to be easier by now. Aiguu~

I was given the question beforehand- it's not even an on-the-spot question which is most likely almost impossible for me to answer it at the moment. God knows how many times i have practice the answer over and over again in my head, in front of the mirror, in front of my sisters. Yet when the question was asked, my mind literally went blank and I couldn't even murmur a word. We actually went silent for almost 5 minutes. OMG! It was so freaking awkward and everyone was staring like "come on Sal, come on you can do this" . 

I do realize this as a problem that need to be solved and i wont just accept it as a fact that cannot be change or 'that is just who i am'. So don't worry and please don't nag at me, i've critics myself enough to last a lifetime. What i need right now is a solution on how to solve this~

Anyway, this is my answer the question that couldn't be delivered earlier TT;

- What is your biggest WHY  or reason for staying in PKPIM?-

If this question was asked to me 3 years back, my answer would probably be " because I have no reason not to be in this organization". For every things that I did, I never really have driving force or concrete reason. It's always simply because I couldn't find the reason why I shouldn't do it. Take my ongoing writing paper for example. When people asked me, why i want to write on that particular topic, i would say, just because i want to know about it and i don't see why i can't write about that. I don't really have fancy reason or brilliant justification for anything i did. That's just how I am.
But looking back, I actually do have a choice back then (in CFS) between this organization and gerakan gerakan lain. Even though I didn't really do a meticulous analysis between gerakan like someone did, what i saw in this organization is the idea and the system which is closer to my aspiration. I was aspired by the 4 ciri kebitaraan ; Intellektualisme, Idealisme, Spiritualisme, Aktivisme. Being a simple minded I always am, I can see clearer what this organization is trying to achieve and how they are moving towards the goal.
Of course, that is just how i feel at that time, and i could probably be wrong on how things actually work in this organization. I haven't been here that long to configure the system but after retreat today, i am confident to say that my decision to stay is right.
Another reason for staying in organization (not specific to PKPIM) is because I believe that it is one of the tuntutan dalam beragama. Keperluan untuk berada dalam jemaah. Kerana tujuan penciptaan manusia lebih daripada sekadar untuk mendapat pekerjaan. 

I think that's all for now. Till next time.

p/s; Classes will start this Tuesday and people will be coming back from home tomorrow. So for the time being, let's enjoy some free time alone because it is such a rare opportunities. #introverting #metime

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